SV Holtenhausen Biene 1 VfL Bückeburg 2               



Off we go again. Another away day, another jaunt through the villages and towns of Northern Germany.

For this game we travelled to the town of Lingen, where the two villages of Holthausen and Biene decided in 1931 to form a football team. Last season, as did we, they won their league, but have had a good season reaching 7th place.

An aside to this drivel, for the non German speakers amongst you: Biene is the German word for bee. Don't worry, there will be absolutely no reference or silly puns to do with bees for the rest of this blog.

Off we go

 So I was buzzing for this trip. But I shouldn't have been as on paper we were on a hiding to nothing. Travelling with only 13 players, and two of them were co-trainer Martin Prange, out a year injured, and reserve keeper Tobias Markowski, also not 100% fit.

As regular readers will know, when I go to away games, I set Emily (my sat nav) to avoid major roads, thus having a lovely drive across country, seeing places I would never normally see if I drove on the motorways. And so it was on this sunny Sunday. Everything was going well, until I reached the village of Biene.

Emily sent me into a new housing estate, and couldn't find her way out again. I was going round in circles and flapping about a bit. I took the decision to ignore her and drive back onto the main road.

Twas' a good decision as I ended up just behind the team bus and followed them in, through potato fields, until we finally arrived at the 1,800 capacity Stadion an Biener Busch.

The entrance

 I was in, and did my usual tour of the ground. Cute, with a main stand which was erected (snigger) in 2000.

The main stand

 Inside the ground, it was a hive of activity so had a chat with manager Timo Nottebrock, who kindly gave me his season ticket for the rest of the season. Such a lovely  gesture to which I am very grateful for.

I took my seat and awaited the match.

Match day programme and ticket

 For the first few minutes I couldn't concentrate on the game, as a fascinating creature appeared to my left, just the other side of the stand. I shall call her Zelda, as she was one of those 45+ women, desperately trying to clutch on to her youth, but too many late nights and cigarettes means her face has shrivelled to resemble a walnut. She needed a good iron!

Come on you Bees

Zelda thought she would look the part, by opening a bottle of pink champagne and quoffing it. Champage...at non league football. *Shakes head* Some people!


The hailstones came down and Zelda looked even more dicky arse with a pink umbrella, balancing a handbag, plastic beaker of champers, and a fag. Actually, not a bad trick, maybe she should audition for Holthausen's Got Talent.

"It's a no from me"

The game! Conditions were not the best as we had a torrential downpour just as the game started, but Bückeburg were on a level par with Holthausen. Playing some inventive football, always looking to get foward, but the Holthausen defence were also well equipped to deal with any threat. In the 42nd minute, we lost the ball in the Holthausen half, and they countered, and scored, 1-0. 

My spot for the second half

The second half and we absolutely dominated the home team. It was one way traffic. In the 53rd minute, Niko Rüffer passed to the tireless Moritz Heine, who squares it for Bastian Könemann for a 14 yard equalisor. It was no more than we deserved and I leapt for joy. People in Lima complained of a mild earthquake.


It was raining, but I didn't mind as I knew we would win. 81st minute and Martin Prange comes on. Another Bückeburg attack, Niko Werner is pushed in the area, penalty. Surprisingly it wasn't the skipper who took the kick, but Prange, and he spanked it straight down the middle, with his first touch of the game.


As the ref indicated two minutes of injury time, Tobias Markowski came on up front for a 30 second cameo. In that 30 seconds he showed more goal threat than Fernando Torres.

Tobias Markowski

So a 2-1 victory and thouroughly deserved. Hard to pick out a man of the match as everyone played exceptionally well, but I'm going to. Nils Rinne was a colossus for us, breaking up play, spreading the ball about. 


In other news, and there is a lot of it:


After my redundancy I have decided to start my own company, as a music promotor. Exciting times ahead. Will keep you posted.


Romford and Gidea Park RFC won their league, Romford Raiders did the same, but lost the play off finals to Chelmsford yesterday. Still, South East Trophy winners and league champions is a fantastic achievement.

Romford Football Club beat AFC Sudbury 1-0 in their final home league fixture of the season, Jamie Dicks with the solitary goal.

Leyton Orient are doing their best to get relegated, throwing a 2-0 home lead away v Yeovil Town on Saturday. 

We had a pair of ducks nesting and laid an egg in our garden. Decided to call them Gavin and Stacey. But now they have gone and so has the egg. Probably eaten by a predator.

Quack, Quack!

 Ratings

 Friendliness:          10/10
 Clubhouse:             8
 Seats:                 Yes
 Behind goals:          One area of hard standing
 Cover:                 One stand
 Floodlights:           Yes
 Barrier:               Metal fence
 Bratwurst:             €1.70 - 8/10
 Beer:                  €1.50 Veltins, not sampled 
 Entrance fee:          €7
 Programme:             Free
 Weather:               4
 Ground:                8
 Home fans:             4

RSV Göttingen 0 VfL Bückeburg 1

                                                                              


Göttingen! At last. A chance to put a few faces to names. Another place I had no idea about until I returned home and consulted Wikipedia.

Göttingen is a universtity town and one of the traditions for new graduates is to climb up and kiss a statue called Gänseliesel (The Goose Girl). This makes her the most kissed girl in the world. She obviously has never been to Romford on a Friday night.

Bit of an old slapper!

 

 

Göttingen is also twinned with Cheltenham and erm....Hackney! 

As usual, I drove overland, journey taking roughly 3 hours. But taking in lots of quaint villages. 

Upon entering the ground, someone asked if they could look in my rucksack. "Whatever turns you on", I said. Upon the completion of the check, I was waved on my way. "What about the Uzi in my pocket?", I asked. The lady took it with great humour and replied "I'll pretend I haven't seen it". Good start.


The stadium (and it really is) is called Jahnstadion. Another one. How many are in Germany? Still, at least they haven't sold out and named it the Kwik-Fit Autoglass Arena, or some other poxy sponsorship bollocks.

Match day ticket and programme

Had my usual pootle around the ground. With a 17,000 capacity, and an attendance today of 395, it was a bit like peas rattling around in Daniela Katzenberger's head (Google her, kids. A German Jade Goody).


At last I met Onkel Günther, whose excellent blog is linked on here. I also met Hardy, a Bristol Rovers fan, Phillip from The Cider Boyz, Ingo, and a lot of others whose names I ashamedly can not remember. Fantastic set of fans, and already looking forward to next seasons fixture, when I shall put on clean underpants and have a few scoops with the lads.

Main stand

The game gets underway, and the RSV fans have a great array of songs, and surely the only anti basketball song in the world of football.

Not welcome in the Jahnstadion

The game gets underway and sure enough, the Ciderboyz produce cans of Strongbow (other cider brands are available).


Bückeburg are playing well, even carving out a double chance after 15 minutes. Göttingen are wasteful, and to be honest, not much of a threat, despite having the top scorer in the league.


Half time and it was 0-0, I was more than happy.

Large cardboard heart, covered in foil - Tick!

Second half, and after 67 minutes, a red card for a Göttingen player. I honestly did not see the incident. With a man advantage I really fancied we could hold on for a draw. But five minutes from the end, Fritsche passes into the box, and Bastian Könnemann shoots the ball over the line. It trickled into the net and I tried to suppress my celebration.

Not a typing error

So we won. The ref was a wee bit too fussy, and ok, maybe Göttingen had an off day, but the win was deserved. It would be harsh to single out a single player for praise, as all the lads put in a great shift. 


I get home to the news that Raiders beat Bristol 13-2 with three players getting hatricks. Only 3 wins needed for the title.

The rest of my teams lost, Romford, Orient and Hannover. So I shall avoid mentioning it. Oops....too late. 


All in all a pleasant Sunday, made some mates, won away and chatted to a deer I named Denzil.

Denzil

 

 RATINGS
Friendliness:     8/10
Clubhouse:        Not really. A sort of pub type thing, but very sterile
Seats:            Yes, loads
Behind goals:     Terracing behind both
Cover:            Main stand
Floodlights:      No
Barrier:          None, but caging behind goals
Beer:             Göttinger Edel Pils, Warsteiner (Not sampled)
Bratwurst:        €2 - 8/10
Entrance fee:     €6
Programme:        50c
Weather:          6/10
Ground:           4/10
Home fans:        0/10 (Only joking lads)- 10/10 

BV Cloppenburg 6 VfL Bückeburg 0

Football again at last! And today it was off to Cloppenburg. Having done my research before the game, I knew that Cloppenburg was famous for....erm......nothing! Oh....some model lives there. That's about it really

Going into the game, Cloppenburg were in 2nd place in the league, and our two recognised strikers, Bremer and Fritsche were injured. It didn't bode well.

On the way to Cloppenburg, I drove across country, taking in a couple of non-league grounds along the way. Indeed, one of them was so picturesque I stopped for longer than I should. In a woodland copse, the sun beating down, the sounds of birds singing, a woodpecker hammering at the tree, and distant toll of a church bell, I closed my eyes and was suddenly in a Rupert Brooke poem.

I arrived at just after 12 in Cloppenburg. The team bus actually beat me by about 10 minutes, despite me leaving 30 minutes earlier. 


I was at the Time Parter Arena. Er....yeah, not exactly an arena is it Cloppenburg? 


The ground is basically a cage, with a pitch in the middle. Every twist and turn you find yourself banging into a piece of metal. I was expecting Richard O' Brien to appear any minute to lead me off into some darkened room.

Where are you Richard?

I bought a ticket for the seats, which was quite pleasant, but all too sterile for my liking. There was even a VIP lounge, where the lucky ones had to show a wrist band to get in!

A warm welcome

And now ladies and gentleman, allow me to morph into Victor Meldrew for a minute and have a good old whine.

"I don't believe it"

If you see that you have to get past someone, so that person has to stand up, at least say thank you. If you see that this person has to do it everytime that your snotty kid goes past, at an average of once every 3 minutes, do something about it. If you see that your child is kicking the back of the seats, so that EVERYONE is turning around and tutting, DEAL WITH IT! In the name of all things holy, get some parenting skills. Rant over!

Health and Safety issue here

We were always on a hiding to nothing, with an emergency first 11 out there, but battled superbly all over the pitch, and found ourselves 0-2 down at half time. 

For the second half, I decided to stand behind the goal, the sun was out, and I couldn't stand the tits in the seats around me.

Where I stood for the second half

We conceded another 4 goals, so lost 0-6. But I was far from upset. The team battled until the final whistle, really worked for each other. We can not get relegated due to the bankrupty of Nordhorn and Emden, but I still think even without their points deduction we could survive this league.

Just a note on the clown that writes the reports for the local paper. Go back to journalism school. He/She quoted the attendance of being "nearly 700". It wasnt! It was 594, so not even 600. Also, the second BVC goal came from an attack down our right flank, not the left. The ground is not called the "Cloppenburg Stadion".

On Saturday, Romford lost 2-3 away at league leader Leiston. Found ourselves 0-3 down at half time, but two goals from Kurt Smith nearly snatched a draw.

Kurt Smith, 2 goals for Boro

The Raiders lost 2-3 in Cardiff, we only need to win another 6 games for the league title, but have had a bit of a slump of late! David Oliver was man of the match in the Welsh capital.

David Oliver, man of the match

In Bury, Orient gained a 1-1, with new skipper Matt Spring scoring for the O's!

New skipper, Matt Spring

Finally, a big congratulations to Romford skipper, and all time appearance holder, Paul Clayton on the birth of his daughter.

 RATINGS

Friendliness:     - 6/10

Clubhouse:        - There was one, but it was away from the ground

Seats:            - 1080 in the main stand. Overall capacity is 5001

Behind goals:     - Terracing behind both, one is for away fans

Cover:            - Main stand only

Floodlights:      - Yes

Barrier:          - Metal cage

Beer:             - Krombacher €2 (not sampled)

Bratwurst:        - €2 1/10 (Cold, wobbly, and only mustard as a  condiment option 

Entrance fee:     - €10 seats, €6 standing

Programme:        - Sort of! A brochure of the whole sport club

Weather:          - 7/10

Ground:           - 6/10

Home fans:        - 4/10

     

Romford Trip Day Two (Warning - contains loads of music videos)

Sunday. A holy day. But not for me as I was on my way to the delights of Kentish Town, to see Tim Ten Yen.

Excellent album

 Let me explain how I came to be a fan of this man. 

Someone very special to me died in December 2006. His name was Wiz, well his nickname that everyone knew him by. He was the lead singer/songwriter of my favourite band, namely Mega City Four. Some of you may have heard of them. Most of you will not have. This band, and specifically this mans lyrics it would be fair to say saved my life at a point I was most down. They are, and will aways remain my favourite band.

The above was filmed for Channel 4 late night back home from the boozer pissed up programme, The Word. If you look carefully you can see a younger, thinner me bouncing around like a loon in the front. I remember I called the sceptic tank presenter, Katie Fuckstick. Her name was actually Katie Puckrick. She didn't like me. Did I care? Nooooooo!

In the March of next year a concert was planned called Four 4 Wiz, when his buddies in the music scene, and some of my fave bands would get together at the Islington Academy to perform four songs, to celebrate the great mans life.

Poster for the gig

 One of the bands performing are another one of my all time favroutites, Carter USM. They split up in 1998 and although played together a couple of times since, under different guises, it wasn't really the Carter of old. As the lads were just about to perform their last song, before Mega City Four played, JimBob said "I can't think of a better fucking reason to reform than this". And lo, the seed was sown.

In 2007 Carter played two reunion gigs. Could this be a regular thing? By jolly it was you know.On 22nd November Carter played at Brixton Academy. And I was there! Along with 5000 others of course.

View from the top

 Next November we were off again. This time the lads were playing two gigs in two days, playing their first four albums in track order, starting from the 4th and working back. One gig would be on the Saturday in Islington, the next in Brixton again.

We're off again

 I always get to things ridiculously early and gigs are no exception. I am glad I did. On the stage, with hardly anybody in the Islington Academy was a man in a suit. The theme from 2001:A Space Odessy was playing over the sound system. Then the man, who I later knew as Tim Ten Yen performed his set. Lots of strange dances, strange songs about sinister cats, bears and foxes, tortoises coming out of shells. I was confused. 

The next day in Brixton, there he was again. I found myself giggling and singing along.

                    Not at Brixton, but a better quality video.

Upon my return to Germany, I downloaded the album from iTunes. 

Every time I was back in England I always seem to miss him. But a couple of weeks ago finally he was playing in London. I was even missing a Romford Raiders home game to go.

The Bull and Gate, Kentish Town

 Entrance was free and TTY was headlining. First up was Rick Gill, whose melancholy songs had me nodding my head. Either that or the copious pints of Doom Bar had affected me.

Mr Rick Gill

Too many of this and you start to see things

Through the set from Rick, there was a young man sitting opposite me with a guitar. This must be Jim'll's Brain, something I had heard a bit about from Tim on Twitter.

The next thing I know, there is the same man, but orange, wearing a cape, with spandex trousers. The Doom Bar was certainly potent!

Didn't believe me, did you?

Jim sang songs about stalking (five I think), hitting people with vegetables and general silliness, but I loved it.

This was of course marvellous stuff! Here is Jim performing a song about stalking, below!

 

Jim and friends

So it was the turn of Mr Yen, and he did not disapoint. I got to stroke the Sinister Cat again, which made my weekend. Suffice to say that when I am back in London again, I shall stalk these two down and watch with glee. 

The dream is to get them over to Germany, it could be arranged. Until then I shall hope that music venues like The Bull & Gate stay open and don't succomb to poncey new owners who wish to turn it into a wine bar.

 

  

VfB Oldenburg 5 VfL Bückeburg 1

                                                                                    

Before I start on todays blog, let's get one thing clear. I have no idea if any of the players read this drivel, but if they do a message for you and the rest of the team about todays performance. I am proud of every one of you. There is NO way we should have lost, let alone by that scoreline. Hold your heads up high, and keep playing the same way and we will survive in the Oberliga. 

I left at 9 in the morning for this game. A gentle drive across country, however it was such a long way that Emily, my sat nav, took me on the motorway for most of the way. There was a thick fog and the temperature was -1 degrees (Forgive me, I have no idea how to type the degree sign, I am such a luddite).

Driving in thick og......sorry about the "F" in fog

Arrived 2 hours before kick off at the Marschwegstadion. It has a capacity of 15,200 and due to renovation this was only Oldenburg's 2nd game here this season. During their glory days in the early 70's over 30,000 people packed in here. Impressive stuff. Not impressive enough for a bloody car park though.

Where are you?

 I parked my car on the main road opposite the stadium. And waited for the ticket office to open. Yes, ticket office. That's how uppity this lot were. And I waited. And waited! At 12:45 they finally decided to open, but only because some old codger knocked on the window. 

I decided to sit in the Ashampoo block!

 I purchased a ticket for the Ashampoo block in the main stand. Don't ask me...I have no idea either. But then I had to wait again, until the stewards decided to open the gates. Luckily I was entertained by a couple of odd looking Oldenburg fans.

Aren't they wonderful?

 When the stewards finally opened the gates at 13:00 I had the half-hearted check of my rucksack (which was new yesterday by the way rucksack fans). I was informed that I couldn't take my bottle of water in the ground. "If I tip it out can I keep the bottle?", "No". "Well, can I have 25cents as there is a deposit on it?". "No". We had reached a stale mate. I could leave my bottle of water at the gate and collect it afterwards. How very kind of you Mr Steward, and may a jackdaw peck you in the eye you jobsworth oaf!

Public enemy number 1

 I was in at last. And there was a fan shop so I bought a pennant. I couldn't walk round the ground and take my pre-match pics as once again a jobsworth steward stopped me! "Where are you going?". "Here", quoth I. "But you need a ticket for the seats", quoth he. "I've got a ticket for the fucking seats, I just wanted to take a pic", quoth I. 

The main stand

 The main stand consists of 4,500 seats and every one of them was soaking wet. Bad design! Someone said to me on Facebook that this was the best ground in the league. Is it bollocks! No floodlights. An ex athletics stadium, where the track has been concreted over. No terracing behind one of the goals. Seats wet and dirty. No car park, as I have mentioned before.

Every one of the seats was wet

 The game kicked off and after 4 minutes we were 0-1 down to a Julian Lüttmann goal. For the first 15 minutes, it was looking like another spanking, but then we started getting a grip of the game. Nils Rinne was immense at the back, as skipper Niko Werner and the suspended Pascal Könnemann sat this one out. Niklas Fritsche was lucky to escape a booking as he clattered one of their players, but Bastian Schmalkoch picked up a yellow in the 13th minute. 


Jean-Paul Thom was starting to win tackles, and setting up some lovely triangles with Dennis Peter and Burak Buruk in the middle of the field.


We went into the break just the one goal down.

Match day ticket and programme

The second half got underway and we were playing some superb stuff. After 54 minutes, we get a free kick 35 yards out and Bubi Bremer spanks it in for his 11th of the season. From then on there was only one team in it, and we were finding more and more space in the midfield, I honestly thought we could win it.


In the 74th minute, young Bastian Könnemann tried to dribble round one player too many, when releasing the ball was the easier option, and Oldenburg break down our left flank. The ball is whipped in and Sebastian Ferrulli cleverly glances it past Engler to make it 2-1.


Four minutes later and another Bückeburg attack, Rinne (I think it was), is fouled 40 yards from their goal. Instead of the free kick, the referee waves play on, Oldenburg do exactly the same and Lüttmann scores his second. 

Oldenburg fans

After that sucker punch, the floodgates opened and Oldenburg scored again in the 89th and the 90th minute, for a scoreline and a result which really did flatter them. With the only team below us drawing we are now just 3 points from the drop zone and have shipped 48 goals, the most in the league.


Having said that, I can only take positives. Football is a cruel, cruel game and this result was the cruellest of the lot.


In other news, Romford drew 4-4 in a bizarre game with Waltham Forest on Saturday, Jack Barry scoring after 6 seconds and Kurt Smith, Nick Reynolds (2) adding to the tally.

Stand in skipper Jack Barry

 In the first round of the FA Cup, Orient ran out 3-0 winners over non-league Bromley and will face Gillingham or Bournemouth in the 2nd round. Matt Spring, George Porter and Jimmy Smith scoring for the O's. The bad news is Dean Cox leaving the ground on crutches.

George Porter is substituted to a standing ovation

 On Saturday the Romford Raiders thumped Bristol Pitbulls 9-2 at Rom Valley Way. Seven different players scored and pick of the bunch was Slovakian import Juraj Huska with yet another hattrick

26 so far for Huska

Tonight (Sunday) we lost 2-4 at Invicta. I was all set up for another 14 game winning streak.


RATINGS
Friendliness:          7/10
Clubhouse:             Didn't see one
Seats:                 4,500 of them
Behind goals:          One terrace
Cover:                 Main stand
Floodlights:           No
Barrier:               Cage
Beer:                  Veltins (not sampled)
Bratwurst:             2€ 9/10
Entrance fee:          7€ standing, 9,11 and 13€ for seats
Programme:             50c 8/10
Weather:               4/10
Ground:                5/10
Home fans:             7/10