How many sheds?

 

 SV Häger 0 VfB Fichte Bielefeld 2

Herforder Pils Cup 1st Round

I had missed the first two Fichte games of the season through various commitments. But a 1-1 draw at home in the first game, with a injury time equaliser from new signing Anthony Eviparker versus Grün-Weiß Nottuln, and followed up by a 1-0 victory away at TuS Dornberg saw us in 4th place in the league after two games.

Todays 71km jaunt was actually the 1st round of the Kreispokal, named now after the sponsors Herforder Pils against Bezirksliga team SV Häger. 

I had been to this ground a number of times when I lived in the area, as a mate played in goal for them. It was said, not without reason, to be the smallest ground in the area. And as I remember it, it most certainly was. It was just a football pitch, with a wire mesh fence seperating it from a cornfield and the spectators, what little there were of them, stood less than 2 feet from the touchline. 

So imagine my glee (ok, not really glee but I so wanted to say that word. "Glee". See? I did it again) when I looked on Google Maps and found a brand new 3G pitch behind the old grass effort. 

The old grass pitch

 

 

 

 But how to get there? The car park is situated behind a pub, which to my knowledge of the mid 00's has never been open. Then one has to walk along a road beside the old grass pitch to reach the new pitch a few hundred yards down the road. 

The long and winding road, not long and certainly not winding

 

The ground....well, what can I say? It's a 3G pitch, with a few sheds down one side. Yes, sheds. My biggest chagrain is that I didn't photograph them, but there was a home shed, and an away shed, and a I am assuming neutral shed. The fact is...the changing rooms are located down the road, and past the pub which is closed, so the players have a 500m (at least) hike back to get changed after the game. 

Oberwelland-Park, my arse

 The starting line up contained 5 of the starters from the 1-0 win at Dornberg on Saturday, and both teams settled into an early rhythm without threatening the goal. Disaster struck as Häger were awarded a penalty in which the player smashed over the bar. In the 21st minute, Jens Hirsig spanked in a shot to make it 1-0.

Just before half time one of our players saw a second yellow (don't ask me who, I was looking at the cornfield behind the goal) and we were down to 10.

More flags than fans

In the half time break I needed to wee (too much info?) so took advantage of the Portaloo they had there next to the row of sheds.

In the second half another penalty was awarded to Häger but Matti Kuuse in the goal parried it away. Two minutes from time a cross was floated in from the left and Eviparker got his head to it, and floated a textbook header into the net to make in 2-0.

Token match shot

We (all four of us) chanted his name to which he responded with a round of applause. After the game, every player came and thanked us for our support. There was even time for a quick chat with Häger's player coach Hüseyin Geceli who is an ex player of ours. 

Sunset over the fields

 RATINGS

Clubhouse: Nope, unless you count a shed
Seats: Sort of. I took a plastic chair and plonked myself down on it
Behind Goals: Hard standing behind one but only serves as a pathway
Cover: A marquee where the plastic chairs are stored
Floodlights: Yes
Barrier: Metal fence
Bratwurst: €2 - not sampled
Beer: €1,30 - Veltins
Entrance fee: €3
Friendliness: 7/10
Programme: No
Weather: 8/10
Ground: 7/10
Home fans: 1/10

 

SC Paderborn 3 FC St Pauli 0 - 2 Bundesliga

                                                                   
I haven't done this for a long time. Just found a random fixture to go to and well, went.

So I bought a ticket for this top of the 2 Bundesliga fixture. I had attended the previous fixture a few years ago, when Paderborn played in their dilapidated
Hermann-Löns-Stadion. But if I went into the tale of that particular day, well that would take an extra blog to explain it all. 

So it was off to the Benteler Arena, home of 3rd placed SC Paderborn 07. Opened in 2008 and with a contsruction cost of 25,000,000€, the Benteler Arena has a capacity of 15,300,  more than enough for the average crowd of 9,477.

Benteler Arena from the car park

 Let's not beat around the bush...I am no lover of the modern stadium. Yes, I know it makes the whole "football experience" a thousand times more pleasureable, but give me a crumbling terrace, or a pigeon poo stained seat in an aspestos roofed stand anyday. 

Having said that, Paderborn have got it right...almost!

The only gripe I have, is that there are no refreshments or toilet opportunities outside the ground.

 I popped into the club shop and picked up a programme. They were free. Not a bad start. A glossy 68 page affair with 28 pages of ads. But for the  grand price of zilch, I wasn't complaining.

Programme

 The ground is enclosed all the way round, with terracing at both ends. I was sat to the left of the home terracing. 

Home terrace (Finke fan terrace)

 On both sides there are seats running the whole length of the pitch

East Stand

 I was sat right at the front of the stand, next to a gangway, my preferred place, but there was ample legroom in front of me so I needn't have worried.

West stand

View of the North terrace

 One thing I also liked about the ground was that Paderborn had introduced this novel system to buying refreshments inside the ground. You went up to the counter, asked for whatever, and then handed over something called cash. If you didn't have the right money, don't worry, they gave you the balance in return, also in cash. None of this fuddy duddy old system increasingly favoured by other clubs, where you have to purchase a stadium card if you want a Mars Bar.

View from my seat

 Going into the game, Paderborn were in 3rd place in the league, whilst their opponents, St Pauli were in 4th. But Paderborn boasted two of the divisions top scorers in their ranks, namely Mahir Saglik (10) and Alban Meha (9). Add into the mix that St Pauli were the 2nd best away team in the division and I was looking foward to a humdinger.

Call the grammar police!

Paderborn play lovely free flowing football, and it really was a pleausre on the eye. A brace from Saglik, including this penalty...

...and another from Meha sealed a 3-0 win for the home side.

I'm back! Sort of...well, no, I mean...I am.

But thanks to the efforts of my local football team to treat loyal fans like sub-human scum (see previous blog) will no longer be blogging about that malarkey.

Instead, I shall be blogging about my experiences as an Englishman living in Germany for the past xx years. I hope to dispel some myths, sereotypes and possibly uncover some truths. Some people may not agree with what I type. I can only say it will be based on my experiences. And there are a lot of them. So...without further ado, I give you:

PUNCTUALITY

Somewhere in the past, the people at the Stereotype HQ got together in their underground lair (I am assuming they have one but it is now closed due to Health and Safety regulations) and set out a bunch of stereotypes for most countries in the world. 

These were thankfully abolished in the early 90's, although someone forgot to tell the Top Gear presenters, when they rolled out a Mexican stereotype to describe something.

On my countless trips to France over the years, I have still yet to see a moustachioed man with a beret, in a striped t shirt, riding a bike, with a string of onions around his neck, going "He Haw, He Haw" as he rides by.

As if to prove my point, the above image was taken from a Google image search for "french person". It was the third on the list. Oh look, I've gone all Dave Gorman on you.

The Germans did not get of lightly, when the CEO of ACME Stereotypes signed their quota. The Germans are puntual, it said. Erm....No! In fact, the amount of times a German has actually been on time to a meeting or appointment in my 16 years here I could probably count on my two hands (one if you are from Norfolk...whoops, another stereotype right there).

I don't think my love of punctuality is a cultural thing. More likely to do with the fact that the only job I have ever had has been the British Military, first as a soldier then a civilian, where the norm was, turning up 5 minutes before a parade (that's an appointment to the normal folk). 

 When I was a young soldier, I was actually late for a parade. By a matter of about 4 minutes. My reward? 7 days in jail. And guess what? I was never late again.

To that end, I kinda have a "thing" for being on time. I remember an occasion I was driving to a football match, and the meet was scheduled for 12:00. At 12:15 with still no sign of one of our party, I left. There was uproar. Luckily this tale has a happy ending as just as I was driving down the road, the protaganist was walking towards the meeting place.

One of my bugbears is when people state a time, and they are 30 odd minutes late. Don't say a time then. Err on the side of caution. Say "Between 1 and 2". That way you have all your bases covered.

"I'll call you back in 5 minutes". Liar! We all know YOUR five minutes can be over an hour. Don't say it then. Say "I'll call you back as soon as possible". There...isn't that easier?

Deutsche Bahn! Please don't get me started on the myth that German trains are on time, clean etc.....

I could write a whole book over the utter ineptitude of this firm. However the crux of the matter is, no...your trains do not run on time. Even when the trains are on time, they aren't. Does that make sense? 

TV Shows. With a start time of 19:47, you would expect them to start on time. Noooooo! Again, why put it? Why not say 19:47 to 19:53. Oh yeah, I know why. Because if you DID put that, the programme would start at 19:58 wouldn't it?

Appointments. I once had a doctors appointment for 14:15. At 15:15 I was STILL in the waiting room. 

I often have to go to the job centre and not once have one of the little neo-facist, oafish, incompetent cockwombles EVER been on time. I will now experiment the next time my lisping Harry Potter-a-like bimbles out of his room, 3 minutes late for our appointment. I shall sit there in corridor for the requesite amount of time he left me waiting.

Apart from that, yes, very punctual!

 

VfL Bückeburg....The Final Chapter

Well they finally managed it. The team I really took to my heart ended up shafting me. Not for the first time.

In this final blog I shall point out the incidents, most of them minor, but in the end there was just one too many for me to continue to go there and support the team.

I shall not name individuals, anyone with Google could find this out within 5 minutes anyway.

INCIDENT 1: THE IGNORING

I like to keep myself to myself. I have never stood with other Bückeburg fans, just to ingratiate myself with them, I like to stand where I always do at a football match. To that end, when I am the only away fan, and people recognise you each week, surely a little nod, or "alright?", is ok?
On the same token, I do not expect to be exchanging spit in the shower with someone just because they were wearing a green scarf.
When I go to Romford games, there is none of this animosity. This is possibly a cultural thing, more of which later.

INCIDENT 2: THE MONEY

There was a time I tavelled on the team/supporters coach to away games. At no time was money asked for, even though I thought it a tad strange. At no time in the press, the programme etc was ANY mention of a fare remarked upon.
On the return journey of a game, the captain of the team confronted a man sitting in front of me on the coach, asking where the money was for the team kitty. This was news to me, and having learnt that it was expected that €5 was the norm, I apologised to this man, explaining it was the first of such arrangement I had heard, I offered my fare for the trip. He didn't want any money, which I thought odd.
Because I felt guilty of all the times I had travelled I offered to even the score at the next post-match piss up. He actually said it wasn't necessary, but in the end I bought the team a bottle of booze. A man of my word!

INCIDENT 3: THE MEMBERSHIP

I decided to become a member of the club, paying a fee and hopefully looking foward to taking part in the General Meetings. 
I never attended any of the three meetings during my membership (before I resigned it). The reason? I was never once invited. I learnt of their existence after the even. It's ok though, it was incredibly difficult for the club to contact me, I mean they only had FIVE different mediums to do so.

INCIDENT 4: THE INTERRUPTION

I am a stickler for manners (stop laughing). The one and only time I was chatting to one of the few fans that actually gave me the time of day, a rude oik on the balcony above butted in, and started shouting over the top of me, mid conversation. To the young man in question, who I often see in the town with his family: if you ever see my wife, be sure to thank her. For if it was not for that wonderful lady, the old Graham would have returned and I would have thrown you off the balcony. Even now, when you walk past with your shit eating grin, I would like to teach you manners Romford stylee!

INCIDENT 5: THE RUDE STEWARD

I like to stick to rules and regulations as much as possible. If I know something is taboo, not alloweed etc, I shall do my best to stick to that rule.
At one home game, I was standing behind the goal. Behind the goal is a metal fence, a gate in the middle and a path. There are no spectator facilities, but there are also no signs to say I couldn't stand there. I have stood there before, and no one had been bothered.
On this particular occasion one of the stewards approached me. I realise I may have been in the wrong, but there is a way to speak to people to point this out. The way I was spoken to was an utter disgrace.

INCIDENT 6: THE JOB OFFER

This was the straw that broke the camels back. After a home  game,  we were all having a drink in the club house, when the manager, Assistant manager and two of the staff call me over. They offered me a job (non payment, but I would never have asked for money anyway) of helping out with the team on matchdays. I said yes, we shook hands on it, the manager took my number and said he would be in touch.
A couple of weeks had passed when at an away game, we spoke and he said, "I thought you were coming to (insert away team) on the coach". "No", said I, I never said that. "Did you wish to speak about the job?". "Yes, I'll be touch".
Another fortnight passed and we had our last home game postponed due to the weather. I sent the manager a text saying "When can we talk", Again, a text came back "I'll be in touch". 

Well that was in May. It is now October. He has seen me since then, even shook my hand to say hello, but no other mention has been made. 

Again, maybe a cultural thing, but when two people shake hands on a deal, although not legally binding obviously, I expect a little more. Even if they had decided against offering me the job, let me know. Have the bollocks to contact me, and let me know. Otherwise you just make yourself look like a cunt.

After that incident I became very disillusioned with the club. There were a couple of other things which I found out about people at the club, which did not involve me, but people which have given up their free time and effort, being treated like shit. I think, if the club is willing to do that to hard working supporters then quite frankly I do not wish to be a part of it.

I won't even go into the "marketing" of the club, for that is an absolute clusterfuck, not my problem anymore. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Good luck VfL!

The only way is up

1.FC Wunstorf 3 VfL Bückeburg 0 - Oberliga Niedersachsen - Attendance: 350

 I have decided to add a history section in my blog. In fact, this will be a tinkered entry. If you are not interested in the history of the club, just scroll down to the heading "Match Report" and watch me vent my spleen (albeit in a literay sense).

HISTORY

 

Formed in 1913 as VfB Wunstorf.  Due to the outbreak of WWI the club dissolved.

On the 4^th April 1919, the roots of the modern club were formed as Fußballclubs von 1919 Wunstorf

In 1926 work started on the ground, finally being completed by 1928

1927 an new club, “Schwarz-Weiß Wunstorf von 1927“ was formed

1934 both Wunstorf clubs merge under the name of Spielvereinigung Wunstorf von 1919. Club colours were black and white.

1945. At the end of the war us Brits decreed that only one club was allowed in every borough. Why, god only knows. Once again a name change, this time to TSV Wunstorf von 1862. The 1862 was taken from the formation of the gymnastic club formed on 20^th June 1862

In 1950, would you believe it, a second team in Wunstorf was formed, namely  Fußballclubs Rot-Weiß Wunstorf von 1919 e. V

For the season 1950/51 both teams found themselves in the same league.

On the 1^st October 1950 the footballing section of TSV Wunstorf separated and were once again called Spielvereinigung Wunstorf von 1919. Keeping up?

18^th March 1956, the derby between Schwarz-Weiß and  Rot-Weiß Wunstorf drew a crowd of 1000

1961/62 the two clubs tried to merge, however the Rot Weiß side voted 4/5 against it

1964 the club wins promotion to Verbandsliga Niedersachsen Süd, which at the time was the 2^nd highest league in Niedersachsen.

1967 the club finishes 2^nd in the league.

1972 the two clubs FINALLY merge, the name now being 1. Fußball-Club Wunstorf von 1919 e. V.

30th April 1978, the team reach the play-offs for the Amateuroberliga, losing 0-1 aet to SV/MTV Winsen. The team are relegated the next season to the newly formed Landesliga West“.

1980 to 1994 the team bounces between the Bezirksoberliga and in 1993 is relegated to Bezirksliga Nord

1994 the club celebrates its 75^th anniversary

1995 the club builds its club house, for the grand price of 600,000 DM. This they pay all out of their own pocket.

1996 relegation to the Bezirksliga, the lowest placed league in Wunstorf’s history

1998 the 1^st team are promoted to the Landesliga whilst the reserves into the Kreisliga

1999 and the team finishes 7^th in the Landesliga. In July of the same year, the girls team were formed

2000 another double promotion as the first team are promoted to the Niedersachsenliga and the reserves to the Bezirksliga

2002 the team enters its first womens team into a league.

2007 the ladies team are promoted to the Bezirksliga

2009 and the club celebrates its 90^th anniversary with a friendly against the Cuban national team. Result is not recorded on their website.

The club has 380  members. 

MATCH REPORT

Opening game of the 2013/14 Oberliga Niedersachsen season, and we find ourselves away at newly promoted Wunstorf, a mere 47kms away so billed as a "derby". 

Wunstorf play in the BarneArena. I have a massive problem with clubs using "Arena" or "Stadium" for what is little more than a Step 5 ground. If that is the case my old nans garden in Dagenham must have been the Heathway Stadium.

 

 The game plan for this season is high pressing, and swift counter attacks. All very well in theory. But I don't think we won a single ball. In fact, Wunstorf were using the exact same tactic but it was working for them.

Admittedly the first 10 minutes were ok, we even had a couple of half changes from the head of Bubi Bremer, skippering the side in the absence of icon Niko Werner, out injured.

But that was the highlight of our performance. In the 16th minute, the bald shiny pate of Wunstorf player Sebastian Schirrmacher waltzed through the pathetic attempts of two of our "defenders" to slot past Spilker in the goal.

One of our defenders

 After 36 minutes, a clumsy challange from Nils Rinne in the box, and Leutrim Kabashi strokes the ball home on his debut for 2-0.

Just before the whistle, Wunstorf hit the bar.

And so it stayed going into the halftime break. The ref actually, very sensibly paused the game after 26 minutes so that on the hottest day of the year, the players could take on liquid.

I took advantage of the break in play, and wandered round to the only refreshment stand in the ground, where of course everyone else had the same idea as me. In fact the queue extended outside of the ground. Pity the officials at the Barne"Arena" didn't have the same foresight as the ref.

 53rd minute, a corner from the right and the Wunstorf number 3,
Tobias Alker glances a header into the net, to make it 3-0 to the hosts.

Even the late introductions of Buruk and Tobias Versick could make no difference to Bückeburg, as the players had started playing "pass the ball over the touchline and nowhere near a VfL player". 

With the light fading, the mosquitoes buzzing around, the ref ended my mysery and I trudged off back to the car.

The second song on my iPhone on the way home? Madness - "You're an embarrassment". 

LINE UP

 Spilker, Pascal Könemann, Abram, Städter (72. Buruk), Buchwald (46. Tobias Versick), Bremer, Rinne, Heine, Lennard Versick (72. Hattendorf), Steininger, Schneckener

NEXT UP

Saturday 10th August VfL v VfL Osnabrück II